Be the Pizza Guy

May 13, 2021

One of the best parts of emerging from Covid is that we can resume some of the little habits of human interaction that make life pleasant. One of those for me is being able to get a slice of artichoke pizza for lunch from a great take-out place near my office. I usually add some extra spices before I leave, but one day last week, I wasn't paying enough attention and opened the wrong flap on the jar before sprinkling, dumping half a cup of hot pepper over my slice before I realized what I had done.

"Er... Could I scrape this off?" I asked. "I'm sure it will be fine." "No way," came the prompt reply. My pizza guy grabbed the box and in one graceful movement tossed it in the trash, spun around, speared another artichoke slice for me, and slid it into the oven to warm up. "Thanks," I said, a little awkwardly. "My pleasure," he replied. And it actually was his pleasure, I reflected as I left with my new lunch. He had stood in my gap, solved my problem with no fuss, and let me get on with my day without feeling I'd been a burden.

Sometimes, we parents think that every time our kids make a mistake it needs to become a lesson: They should understand the consequences of their actions, we tell ourselves. So we narrate the problem, with an edge in our voice. "Do you SEE this mess? Now it's going to take you all afternoon to clean it up, and if you miss going to ice cream with the rest of the family, it will be your own fault." But we sometimes forget that when we shift into lecture mode, our kids shift into tune-out mode.

Sure, my kids need to learn to take responsibility for their mistakes, but there are many more life lessons I want them to absorb. Prime among these is the kind of classy generosity that my pizza guy showed me. How's this for a rephrasing of the above problem? "Yikes, I see you've made a mess. Let me know if you need a hand so you don't miss coming out to ice cream with the rest of us."

The next time you're tempted to play the blame game to teach your kids a lesson, remember my pizza guy and see if there's a more palatable strategy that will have your kids both taking responsibility for their mistake and feeling like someone has their back.

Be the pizza guy. Because, really... who doesn't want to be the pizza guy?

—Deb